The first time I shaved my legs… Wow! Such a small little thing that had such a life changing impact on me! But as incredible as that feeling was, I’m sad to acknowledge I won’t be able to have it again.
As I think back to that December night in 2011, and the few days that came after, my head fills with contrasting emotions. First it is remembering, not so much the physical feeling itself, but the exhilaration and excitement the tactile sensation created. Definitely it was one of the most joyful moments of my life as it was full of complex perceptions. I’ll get to that in a minute, but first the setup.
The Hairy Legs | The Fear of Bare Legs
When I started crossdressing in 2011 I was terrified of getting caught. The truth, though, is that my whole life I had been terrified of getting caught. In 2011 it was different because I had embarked in my learning explosion, which in short means I was hyper-learning to crossdress. Up to that point I had made sure I would not give away any hint of what I had been doing all my life – dressing in secret. Of course one of those “hints” would be if I had shaven legs, so I always left them hairy.
To keep my legs au naturel, and still be able to dress up, I spent a lot of effort looking for tights. I was trying to find something that would look similar to bare skin but thick enough to cover my hairy legs. That’s when I lernt about dancer and figure skating tights and even terms like “denier”. I read online about sizing and the kinds of tights, but a whole different thing was going and buying them.
You see, I always prefer to go shopping in person opposite to buying online. That way I can touch the texture and see what I’m getting. Here was this dude (me) going into a dancers’ shop looking for tights armed only with the basic understanding of denier and a clear vision of what I wanted. Redundant to say that in these kinds of shops, for the most part, you only find women working and buying there.
I felt clueless, like a fish out of the water, and super nervous. I had to get help from the sales person since I didn’t know what product would work while feeling that I had to come up with an explanation or an excuse. This anxiety came from giving away any hint of what I was about to do with those tights. They were not my niece, as I would tell the sales lady. They were for the hairy dude asking her for help.
On the other hand, the notion of being able to cover my legs to wear a skirt or a dress was intoxicating enough that the apprehension would take a back seat.
This is what I’m trying to get at. The trepidation and fear of getting caught and judged was heavy. This life-long worry prevented me from experiencing what I’ve always wanted to try. I was afraid of how people would react if they saw my legs clear of body hair. The possible effect is that they could link the lack of hair on the legs to crossdressing and deviancy. Note: all this sounds oh so stupid now. But then the struggle was real!
Everything Changed When I Shaved my Legs
After a some time wearing the figure skating tights somehow I convinced myself to shave my legs. It took me a lot of mental wrestling but I figured that the chances of anyone seeing my bare legs then were super low. Furthermore, the important thing is I clued in that if anyone were to see them, they had no right questioning me.
That night I got in the bathtub and with a new razor I started. The process itself took much longer than I thought it would. I never considered myself a very hairy person, but that night my perception changed. Washing the bathtub and all that hair after I was finished was no fun, but I had done it – I had shaven my legs for the first time!
The physical sensation of touching my hairless legs in the water was unreal. It felt silky smooth and extremely sensual. But that pleasure from the sense of touch would turn out to be just a small fraction of the other delightful feelings I was about to experience.
Sensory Outburst Shaving my Legs
Barely touching my freshly shaved legs with just the tips of my fingers was pure bliss. I knew from past experiences how touching soft skin felt on my fingertips, but there was no way I could prepare myself for the new sensory excitation that came later. My legs were used to the sense of touch always being affected or even distorted by being covered in hair. The moment I walked after shaving my legs I could feel the cool air directly against my skin. The sensation was so different from anything I had experienced before that its memory rushes as I write this.
That wasn’t all. Wearing my regular guy jeans the day after was another nirvana experience. Just as the feeling of cool air brushing my skin the night before, sensing the fabric of my pants against my legs as I walked was something new, unique, and incredible. Physically all these were extremely sensual.
I’m having a hard time finding the words to describe the sensations and emotions that I felt.
Yes, it was all triggered by the physical touch against my skin, but it was much more complex than that. Visually I fell in love with how my legs looked either bare or wearing sheer tights (10 or 15 denier). No more hairy legs destroying an otherwise pretty look. Yet, beyond the physical there were the mental aspects. Dressed up as a guy, going to work, I could barely concentrate. My brain was in overdrive not only processing corporal characteristics, but also knowing there was no way anyone could see what and how I was feeling. Furthermore, the prize from overcoming my fears taught me that I could shave my legs almost whenever I wanted. I was no longer trapped by angst.
The Painful Trade-Off
A few days after I shaved my legs for the first time I met up with a friend that was helping me getting better at dressing up. He had been in the queer community for decades and had first hand experience gender-bending. I was so excited about my shaven legs that we talked about how it felt. Even thought it was just a few days after shaving, I remember telling him that I was starting to get used to the sensation, so it wasn’t as intense as the day I first shaved. He made a comment that now hunts me. He said something to the effect that I could again get that acute feeling and excitement by letting my body hair grow and then shave it again.
Little did I know back in 2011 that a few years later I would choose to change my gender expression. As part of that process I’ve devoted resources to hair removal, including my legs and arms. That, compounded by the effects of HRT, I now virtually have hairless limbs! As fantastic and convenient as this is, now I have the painful trade-off that I’m not able to regrow hair to then shave it and get that inebriating sensation again. 🙁
But not to worry! I’m extremely happy with the trade-off. I love my legs, how they look and feel, and how convenient is to not have to shave or wax them. No, I won’t be able to get that rushing sensation of the first time I shaved my legs again. The good news is that the feeling was so accelerating that I regularly remind myself. It was so much that I decided to share it here. 🙂