A short tail of how love (self-love) can be found even in unpleasant situations.
Support Group Meeting
I was visiting a friend in a foreign city. She’d told me that she attended weekly support meetings for trans individuals and she’d like me to go with her. I gladly accepted knowing how important it was for her. Also, I’ve always enjoyed meeting other people in similar circumstances to mine.
There was a big circle with people of all sorts. The majority was visibly trans women, a few cis-assumed and a handful of trans guys were there too. The chance to speak was given to one of the participants after a brief introduction to the rules of the group. For a couple of minutes she described how hes boss made her feel discriminated at work. Someone else shared the almost incomprehensible rejection from her parents after coming out to them. Later one of the ladies bitterly complained about the inequity she lives daily compared to most other women.
It was hard for me to hear so many negative stories. On one hand my negative experiences have never been as harsh as those I heard that day. Then on the other, I wanted to talk about how positive my process had and has been.
Self-Love
It was until months after that I realized self-love was the common element amongst all of us sitting in that room that day. Amongst all that shit that each one of us lives, that deliverance during the support group was like the fuel the heart needs to move forward.
I adore this Franches! Perfect timing – even though I’m reading your post weeks after you wrote it. I’ve been on the same track! I’ve been in touch with trans friends new and old, and a word that keeps coming up – a word I don’t like and don’t use – is “Dysphoria”. Yes, it’s a real aspect of feeling and of life – but it’s a negative word – it always points in a negative direction, and points toward things to be unhappy about it.
I feel completely differently! I’ve almost never related to “Dysphoria”, even if I can easily go there. Maybe I’ve burned out of past feelings of depression and anxiety? Maybe it’s Mindfulness, that I rely on? I have strong feelings about this, and instead fill my mind with, a kind of “Eu-Intention.” I mean, being positively motivated by trans-ness.
I may do the same things – take care of my body, exercise, lighten my body, do HRT (mostly for my mind), create outfits, even do surgery – but I see that as going “towards” good things, rather than avoiding/averting the negative. There is infinite negative – we can always, always find it whenever we choose to look for it. Even when I know the myriad flaws in my appearance and what I can do, and I may stop and restart on my transition, I can be living exactly the same life, and living in the positive direction.
I believe in Neuro-Linguistic Programming, not that I’m trained in it. Just one idea – I choose to speak in my own head, not about a negative vector of Dysphoria, but (by direct conscious intention) about positive things, positive directions I can go. I quickly catch myself, to avoid phrases with “not-xxx (whatever it is)”, “non-“, “un-” in them, because they all present the brain with a negative idea, and then try to flip it, which the deep brain is lousy at. Yes, I was one of those kids told “don’t touch the red hot stove”, and for sure I wanted to test just how hot the stove was with my hand … Our minds are like that.
Thanks so much for sharing your experience, and your enduring positivity Franches! 🙂 hugs / Jo