A personal story based on a note by Russian author Anton Chekhov.
Puedes encontrar la versión hermana en español de este artículo en Curiosidad mata miedo.
Anton Chekhov wrote in one of his notebooks:
A man in Monte Carlo goes to the casino, wins a million, returns home, commits suicide.
My Experience Based on That Note
You knew you had to commit suicide. You couldn’t continue any longer. You were clear that with suicide you would loose everything you had accomplished in life, even your name. The fears were so strong they had petrified you always. They were because you’d be rejected, you’d be made into a mockery, people would talk about you behind your back from there on, and even some would want to physically hurt you just because they’d think you’d be abominable. But you had to commit suicide. The curiosity of what lied on the other side was much stronger than all the weight from those fears.
Suicide would give you the opportunity to play the game you wanted to play all your life. You knew very well that you had the winning hand and if your past experiences were any indication, luck would be on your side too.
What you never imagined when you committed suicide it was that you would not only win that game, but also open the floodgates to play in the big leagues and win them all. Even those you didn’t know existed, let alone how to play them. Those fears had no foundation. The daily feel of winning every game in life after your suicide is extremely satisfactory.
What Does it Mean?
I flip Chekhov’s idea on its head. To win what I have always wanted I had to commit suicide. After my suicide I would not only be able to do what I had always wanted, but also gave me the opportunity of doing things I had never imagined myself doing. Who would have ever thought of ballet classes?