Writing about why I chose a vulvoplasty is extremely personal and makes me feel exposed and vulnerable, for some reason… So I’m going to take those feelings and flip them upside down to my advantage. This is a post that at the end drips with empowerment, freedom, and pride!
Getting Out of my Comfort Zone
It seems that almost every time I get out of my comfort zone I gain so much more than if I had stayed in. With that in mind, I contacted GrS Montréal a number of weeks ago and offered to write for their blog TransAvenue. One of the topics I suggested was ‘why I chose a vulvoplasty?’ To make a long story short, I wrote for them one of my most intimate articles to ever be published.
Without telling almost anyone, in November of 2019 I flew out to Montréal for surgery at CMC Montréal to have a vulvoplasty. It wasn’t until I returned home and mostly recovered that I shared it with a few close friends. By keeping my plans private I felt empowered and in control because I was able to withhold such ‘big news’ to myself. A friend told me “remind me to never play poker with you”. But on the other side I stayed in my comfort zone by not sharing. Now I’m extremely honoured to open myself even more by having such an extremely personal experience posted on TransAvenue. Talk about getting out of my comfort zone!
Empowerment & Freedom
When I started writing this post for HolaSoyYo.com I was very reluctant. I didn’t know where to begin or what to say. I felt very uncomfortable opening up to you. Then I paused for a minute reflecting on why I was feeling reluctant. That’s when I discovered my hesitation was rooted in sentiments of being exposed and vulnerable. Digging deeper these ideas were based on shame and fear; the very common fear of judgment by others.
This is the part I adore about poring over my feelings and digging deeper. By doing so, not only do I expose the basis of those thoughts but eventually I get to understand them and by extension to take control. Now that I know what I was feeling and why, I can see that there is no reason to have those emotions. I’ve freed myself from the shame and fears. If anyone wants to judge me, sure, they are entitled to their own thoughts, but the fact is that should not affect me and should not influence my decisions. Hence my choice to open up and allowing my article to be published on TransAvenue.
Why should I have negative feelings if I already had the surgery? Duh! That just makes no sense!
I had the surgery, I’m proud of my decision making process, and the determination itself. Simply put, it was the right option for me. I’m not going to tell you here why I chose to get a vulvoplasty, I’ve already done that in the TransAvenue blog, but I am going to tell you that by getting outside of my comfort zone to publish that post, along side this one, I am now harvesting a stronger sense of ownership of my decisions, my surgery and how I open up about topics as intimate and personal as genital reconstruction*.
I started this post by saying I felt exposed and vulnerable. After writhing these words, I’m now proud to take my shame and fears and put them aside. In fact, it’s more like pushing them vigorously out to the ditch, and share with the world my ultra personal reasons of why I chose a vulvoplasty. You can read all the juicy, albeit sometimes technical reasons on the TransAvenue blog (French version available here).
*Note: You will see that I never use the term ‘lower surgery’. Though it is commonly used I simply don’t like it. It may be my ESL roots, but in my head I hear ‘feet surgery’. Hahaha!