2025. Ten Years!

At 11:30 on Monday September 14, 2015 I had an appointment with my doctor to discuss what I’d had to do to begin my medical transition. Today, Sunday 14 it is the tenth anniversary of such consult!

A few days ahead that Monday in September of 2015 I had already made my decision. By the time I walked in to the consultation I only had two doubts. 1) How I was going to start the conversation, and 2) what would the steps be.

It’s Always Been

Maybe I don’t know where I’m going but I’ve always known who I am and what I am. Though I hadn’t consider a medical transition until a few weeks before that Monday in 2015 my identity has always remained the same. The only thing that changed was that I allowed myself to share with my loved ones this aspect of my life that was hidden.

One of the fears I always had and to a point I still have was to be rejected. After 10 years I can affirm maintaining such an important part of my personality  hidden is worse than any desertion. I should mention that the little opposition I’ve received has been minuscule.

It is About Me

To reach such a determination I focused on myself and no one else. Though I discussed it with a couple of very close people I did not consult with them. Meaning that there was no chance for them to tell me what to do. They were just individual chats, that may have been tough for them, where I wasn’t looking for their approval. Rather my objective was to share with them the happiness I felt emanate from my soul.

I am almost certain that the anguish that some, like my mother or other close people, may have felt came from their own fears that others would repudiate me. In other words, they were worried about my well-being.

How the Hell did I do it?

This same question bothered me for months before writing this article because I could not find a clear answer. Now I know it was because of a number of factors. One of them, as I mentioned earlier, was that I focused on me and not on what others may thing or judge. But I think that the most important aspect was the joy, elation, exhilaration of actually doing what I had always wanted.

To start and carry through a medical and social transition is not because it’s a fad or a desire for attention. Quite the contrary. To reach such decision is due to the yearning desire of experiencing something better than what I knew.

Ecstasy

Well, what can I say. Those days in September 2015 and the years that followed were full of joyful excitement.

Since I made my decision and never looked back I did not waste time doubting myself or what I was doing. This allowed me to moved at an abnormally quick pace. The first few weeks after the consultation with my doctor were to align whatever was required to start my hormone treatment and later a social transition.

Opening up with my loved ones was for the most part extremely joyful. It was about sharing my bliss and to invite them to see something I had hidden all my life.

The following months and years were euphoric. Everything was new again. It was seeing the world from a different angle. At the same time the hormone replacement therapy was getting me the changes I desired. Later, though it was a lot of work and even stress, planning the surgeries, going through recovery, and seeing how the world perceived me differently, all were some of the most incredible experiences of my life.

To affirm the delight I felt I allowed myself to do things that had always been in my dreams but were “impossible”. An example was taking ballet classes. With these experiences I grasped that the largest limitation to achieve anything was myself.

Life Moves On

After ten years I have come across a repertoire of episodes from the most common to the most alien from the way I lived before. Despite that happiness continues and I don’t drag any regrets unfortunately the exotic experiences are not as frequent. Life is now more… mundane. What at first was new and exciting now it’s normal.

At any rate, now in the ordinary, there are moments where I smile and look back. I recognise that what I did was both monumental and basic; I had to do it. Period.