Back in late 2016, the company that I work for decided to close down the office in favour of teleworking. From a business and corporate culture perspective the decision made sense. But from my personal experience, specifically in the context of 2017 being my second year presenting female full time, this teleworking arrangement is not working for me.
Business Decision
From a company’s point of view it made business sense to close the office. The rent was really high for the number of employees that we were back then, so having people work from home saved the company thousands a month. From a corporate culture perspective it also made sense. Most employees wanted to have the “flexibility” of working from home as our work is not really bound by a physical location. This assumed a good degree of latitude of where one could work from, allowing people to move elsewhere or temporarily work from remote and even exotic destinations.
My Work
I work with a number of people on a regular basis and with a few others on a more sporadic basis. We have what we call “core hours” which means we all have to be accessible online for our 8 hour working hours, but we have the flexibility of starting any time between 8am and 10am. This means that if someone starts at 8am they could be finishing at 4pm while someone starting at 10am would be finishing around 6pm. The problem is that there is no requirement for anyone in particular to start a specific time, and with some of us working from different timezones, it makes it complicated sometimes.
I was not issued a laptop and my work is done from two desktop computers. This just means that I don’t have the option or flexibility of just picking up my gear and working from outside of my home. Fitting these two computers at home was somewhat of an invasive process as, like in most homes today, space is at a premium.
Due to these circumstances I have this terrible feeling that I have to be at my desk all the time, if not booked for something specific, often waiting for someone else to need me. Interestingly enough, I also feel I’m being watched, more so than at the office when we had one. I don’t know if my work computer has any usage tracking software, most likely not, but just the thought is enough to add some mental discomfort. To add to the mix, it’s been somewhat of a learning curve (nice way to say “a bit of a struggle”) mixing work with the dynamics of being at home all the time. The attention and time allocations tend to be… err… complex.
Stagnation
This whole setup has created somewhat of a sense of stagnation for me. On one side it’s been professional stagnation and most importantly social stagnation. I don’t get to see face to face anyone from work, so no small talk, no personal updates, no nothing.
Since I don’t have to commute to work I don’t get to see other people on the street. I don’t get to window shop the way I was when going to the office. I don’t get to interact with my coworkers on a social level, so I have no idea what they’re up to and they don’t know much about me anymore. The other day one of my colleagues tells me that his wife is expecting… Wait. Wife? What wife? I didn’t even know they were married!
From a personal perspective, the first 2 years after starting HRT and then going full time were pivotal to the way I present. Presentation comes down to practice, and for me the best way to practice is interacting with people. I feel that my excitement to practice and improve my presentation has been constrained by working from home. Just by missing the social interaction of getting to and from work, being at work with other people, means that I don’t get that coveted practice.
The super convenience of waking up and getting to my desk in my jammies is probably the worst thing that has happened for my current presentation. I have almost no incentive to get ready and look my best. I often don’t want to put on something just to sit at my desk most of the day. It’s as if I want to be seen, ultimately for developing my presentation further.
The Silver Lining
Since some days I’m able to finish work around 4pm, I manage to get to a dance and/or exercise class almost every week day. This is incredible for me, because just before a few years ago I had never done any regular exercise. Now I’m able to go to the dance studio and for at least an hour or two I get to interact with the other, mostly women, dancers. It also means that most days my attire revolves around yoga pants, sports bras and exercise tank tops. This is a nice incentive to get to wear basic makeup, be with other people and get myself moving and sweating regularly.