This is the third instalment in a series of four articles discussing life after my vulvoplasty. If you thought the first two articles were personal, hold on. Here I talk about the physiological changes and how they relate to pleasure or sometimes lack thereof. To round out the topic I go over my experience with a sex toy.

Sexual Indulgence

Orgasms, sexual pleasure and arousal are typical concerns for someone thinking of any genital reconstruction. I thought about all these during my deliberation process. This topic seems to be quite common and easy to find online. One of the most FAQ is about sensation and particularly the ability to orgasm. Here I’ll take a slightly different approach. I’m going to put on my engineer hard hat on and get more technical or descriptive than most people.

Sensitivity & Pleasure

One of the things that is amazing about both vulvo and vaginoplasties is how the clitoris is created. In essence a part of the glans penis is retained with its vascular and nerve connections and relocated atop the labia minora to form the neoclitoris.

As a result the neoclitoris is quite sensitive. Because of its location at the most anterior point of the vulva it also has nothing to do with the lack of a vaginal cavity in a vulvoplasty. This characteristic has a few effects on arousal and sexual pleasure. Because of its erogenous nature the possibility of reaching orgasm is pretty high. Unexpectedly there have been cases where I’ve become aroused while cycling just because of the new location and its relationship with the bike seat.

Everybody has their own relationship with their body and I’m sensitive to that. I recognise many people may have dysphoria about their genitals. I want to be careful of what I’m going to say next so I’m going to preface it with more personal background. Prior to surgery the main issue I had with my original genitalia was tucking. I was never adversed to how I experienced arousal and sexual pleasure before the vulvoplasty. This is in line with what I had mentioned earlier about my friend referring to having the right parts while I see it as having what I had and what have now.

Now that I’ve laid out where I’m coming from, let’s continue.

A More Intimate Sensation

From how the neoclitoris was created, the sensation of being sexually excited to me feels very familiar to what it used to be. Mainly I just had to learn how to manipulate the new anatomy to get me to what I knew and liked before.

Having said that, there is still a world of difference. Partially because of the surgery itself, particularly the rearrangement of my remaining organs, but I also relate it to the long term of HRT. After a few years on oestrogen my libido became just a fraction of what it was before. On top of that add age which I’m sure it makes everything take longer. I believe HRT had already made a difference on how I experienced intimacy. In essence everything became slower with a buildup or a crescendo opposite to sudden fireworks.

The great physical difference is that pleasure was kind of 3-dimensional and external. Think of the joystick analogy. Post surgery it’s almost internal and 2-dimensional. It’s not exactly internal because these are external organs. Though as described under The Origami, things do get exposed. Also not quite 2-dimensional because it has volume and when aroused blood still flows to the clitoris making it more prominent. Due to no longer having a penis shaft everything feels more… how can I put it… hidden or protected, maybe personal or intimate.

This has yet another consequential difference, one that I welcome. With an erection sexual stimulation was externally visible. Some people may not care much about that but in my personal context it’s a different story. When I was trying to hide my natural genitalia getting turned on was a a source of trepidation. Now it is a most intimate experience. One that is not readily visible.

It’s More Cerebral

Earlier I mentioned that with HRT and being a more 2-dimensional experience it is a slower crescendo. I think it’s more complicated than that. Physical contact is less effective for pleasure and reaching an orgasm. Now I need to get to a special state of mind. Prior to HRT and surgery I figure getting an orgasm was about 80% physical and 20% mental. I think those proportions have flipped to now be 80% the state of mind and 20% the corporal sensations.

Reaching a good state of mental foreplay takes a very fragile set of circumstances.

In my case this translates to a much more involved intellectual process and I find it harder to navigate. Maybe I am a more distracted person that instead of immersing myself in the moment I tend to pay attention to all sorts of non related stimuli. I snap out of the zone too easily. My brain has no problem paying attention to unrelated sounds, light, smells, even temperature. I’ve had cases where I focus on something that appears funny to me, like a noise, and I laugh. This is not cool because it already takes more to be in the moment and my head sometimes struggles to get or stay there. Reaching a good state of mental foreplay takes a very fragile set of circumstances.

Now that I deal with these differences it’s crystal clear to me why it’s said that guys think with the head of their penis and if a woman is not into it you’re not getting through. Guys are all about instant physical gratification while girls need to be in the right wavelength. I require the right wavelength, frequency, amplitude, and the whole electromagnetic environment. If anything is off I get distracted and snap out of the zone.

Fewer Orgasms

I have never been a very sexually active individual. That combined with the effects of HRT on libido, a mind that gets to a fragile state of mental foreplay, and the fact that I’m not getting any younger, all contribute to fewer orgasms. It’s a bizarre combination of taking more mental work to be in the perfect mood and less desire. Maybe it’s more a vicious cycle of factors than a bizarre combination. I would be lying if I said that sometimes I didn’t miss the fireworks from before.

Lesson in Anatomy

While I was considering the surgery I had to learn a lot. I spent a fair amount of time finding out the anatomical characteristics of both male and female bodies as well as the vulvoplasty itself. At the beginning of my research I mainly knew the generals about the most common organs but wanted to learn about the details.

I’m sort of surprised how some people are not very or even slightly familiar with their own anatomy. I believe that knowledge is power. In my opinion understanding one’s body allows the individual to have a healthier lifestyle simply by knowing. This deeper knowledge regarding sexual anatomy has weight and much more while I was considering surgery.

Getting Wet?

Thanks to this inquisitive process of mine I managed to answer many of my initial questions but one stayed without resolution. Could I get wet? I couldn’t find an answer so I saved this query for my pre-op consultation.

I learnt that the bulbourethral or Cowper’s glands were responsible for the production of pre-seminal fluid. As much as I read about surgical details these glands were not mentioned anywhere. I just couldn’t tell if they would be affected as part of the surgery. When I talked to Dr. Brassard I asked and to my relief he said he doesn’t touch them during the procedure.

This means that once I mange to get in the right mental state of arousal I kinda get wet even without a vagina. The bulbourethral glands are connected to the urethra so I get a little moist when I get really turned on. It’s not the same or close to how a natural vagina self-lubricates, but for me is a welcome approximation.

What About Adult Toys?

My interest in learning about toys became stronger just prior and around the time of the surgery. I really wanted to try out new experiences. There are so many kinds toys! Though in my case I have fewer choices because there’s no space to insert much. It’s not necessarily too bad a thing because toys that get inserted tend to be more functional and expensive, but it does restrict my options.

Regarding anal toys I’m not going to discuss them for two reasons. First, I never liked them and as much as I wanted to, they never felt right for me. The other is that I don’t think surgery makes any difference.

Let me get into my personal and limited experience. So far I’ve got only one toy and I’m not sure about trying something different. The device that I got is of the wearable type. It’s a small vibrating toy that is supposed to be attached to my undies with a magnet. The device makes contact with the vulva and the magnet keeps it in place. The design has a protrusion that is meant to rub against the clitoris. This is what is supposed to make the toy fun to use/wear.

The Product Review ⭐️☆☆☆☆

This toy is remotely operated in two ways. One is with a small handheld wireless remote and the other is with a mobile phone via Bluetooth. The Bluetooth feature on paper sounds fantastic because the phone app allows way more features than the remote. With Bluetooth it’s supposed to allow to take charge by a second phone connected to the internet. The theory is that I could wear the toy, connect it to my phone, and then a partner even in a different location can connect via the internet and indirectly control the toy. I haven’t tied this interactive-remote feature and probably never will for reasons I describe below.

A wearable hedonism adult toy
The wearable toy seen from the side. Atop (to the right in the photo) is the power button. Then the magnet that holds the device in place. The magnetic charging connections are at the bottom (left).

Let me Shred This Thing to Pieces

In the photo above the device looks quite nice but it has been a disappointment. I had this fantasy that I thought would be really hot to try out. Wear the device and go do something boring like go grocery shopping. Then with the remote turn it on and get entertained while at the store. I found the idea of pleasuring myself in public but without showing anything very intriguing.

Well, the design of this thing prevented my fantasy from materialising. For that to work the device needs to be turned on and the only way is to press on a rigid button on the device. Either it has a terrible design or useless instructions because I have not figured how to put it on standby, wear it, and then activate it a few minutes later with the remote. From what I found I first have to turn on the device so it starts vibrating, then you change the settings with the wireless. In effect, reach in between my legs at the store, press the stiff power button to turn it on, and then change the settings with the remote. Nothing discreet about that!

Bluetooth Sucks

The Bluetooth feature, as far as I can tell, is useless. It takes an engineer… actually it may take more than one since I am already an engineer and I find it so hard to synch to the phone. Then, when it does synch it disconnects. If the device shuts off, which it will after a short period, then, from what I can tell, it has to be re-synched to work with the app.

On one side it takes me a very special mindset to get in the zone. Then, on the other hand, to get this thing to work it requires more attention than a crying baby. Instead of feeling anything close to pleasure it’s been mostly frustration. As you can imagine the app is long gone from my phone.

Continue reading my series Life After a Vulvoplasty