Friendships were some of the most important considerations I had when I decided to “transition”. I first considered a point of view but suddenly got enlighten and I saw a different perspective.


The Thought Process

Back in the summer/fall of 2015, when I really put my mind in looking for medical advice to “transition” one of the few things that I really considered were my friendships and professional relationships. I figured that my friendships back in late 2015 were so few and strong that I would have no issue with them. Then there were my older friendships. You know, the people you had something in common a few years ago, but the commonality is not as strong as it used to be. The friends you have but haven’t seen or heard from in a while. These were the ones that I was more concerned about, mainly because some had been super close friends with me.

I put further thought into my older relationships. What would they think as they learn about my decision? Would they want to cut me off? Would they want hurt me? Would they accept me? Somehow it hit me that all the questions and doubts I had were in function of other people and not myself. This is when it became clearer for me that it was ME who had to decide. Not them or not other people.

The Key Was Flipping The Coin

My doubts and questions then shifted from others to me. If someone of my old friends drops me, would I feel hurt? Well, yeah, we were friends and had something in common in the past. Did I need the friendship of someone who would drop me? No, not really. Yes it would hurt, but I would not need that person in my life. After all, what I had in common with older friendships was 5, 10, 20, 30 years ago. Any person for more than 20 years that was not my current strong friend also had about 5,000 km of separation, and half a lifetime of totally different experiences and interests.

It became clear that if anyone had a problem with my decision, well with all due respect, it was THEIR problem. I was accepting the risk that some people would drop me, so I took no responsibility for their reaction and actions. How could I?

Once all this was in perspective, and I had considered the risks of anyone dropping me as a friend, it was easier to make the decision of seeking medical advice and take the plunge.

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