This is an open letter to my Comfort Zone.  After so many years in an almost codependent relationship, I have something to say to it.

Dear Comfort Zone,

Lately I’ve been thinking about our relationship. For so many decades it has been amazing!  You’ve always been there for me when I don’t know what to do. I’m thankful for all that unconditional support. I don’t think you have an idea how easy you have made some of my toughest decisions.  Always there, advising me on how to tackle the challenges that life has thrown at me by giving me the safest strategies.

But now I feel that our relationship has gone a little too far, or at least too long without change. I want to see if we can improve that connection between you and I so that I can grow. I want you to know that it’s not you or something you did. Rather it’s me the one thinking that maybe we could spice things up. Give us a little more room to improve our relationship. Maybe give me a little less dependence on you.

Do you remember last year when I went on holidays to the beach with one of my best friends? When I told you about the plan, right away you thought it was a bad idea. That I would be going and sharing a hotel room with someone that didn’t know my past too well and that it could get very awkward. You warned me about my choices in outfits and bathing suits that I took with me and that I would be exposing myself too much. Well, as it turns out I had the time of my life. Remember how I told you that my friend and I had a blast together? How we went down to the beach pretty much everyday and that the waiters were super attentive with us?  My point is that I didn’t follow your advice for those holidays and I have zero regrets. I am so happy that I didn’t listen to you, though I admit I was very scared at first.

My Comfy Cigar Chair

I have another example that I’d like to remind you about. The year before, when I went on the cruise with the group of girls from the dance studio. I recall how you told me it would be a terrible idea to go with a bunch of dancers specially because I didn’t know if anyone knew anything about my background. Oh dear Comfort Zone, you were so worried because it was the first time ever that I’d be with a group of women sharing whole days for a few days. You were extremely concerned about how they could react should one of them found out about my past at the wrong time, for example at the pool or in the night club. Well, if you don’t remember any of those details, I do. And I also remember how an incredible experience I had. How that escapade later gave me the confidence to also not pay attention to you when I chose to go on the beach holiday the year later.

What I’m trying to tell you, my dear Comfort Zone, is that as much as I love you and I appreciate that feeling of ‘being home’ when I’m with you, that we need a little distance between ourselves. In those two examples when I didn’t listen to you I gained so much more by stepping out and leaving you behind. And those are just a couple that came to mind. I could list so many more, like starting dance classes, the day I went and bought my first pair of breastforms, or when I went shopping as a guy but got a bunch of outfits and tried them out in the fitting room at the store… Agh!!  So many experiences, most of them terrifying at first but because I manage to leave you behind in each, now look at what I’ve done!

I don’t want to end our relationship. I still love you and I do like to hear your thoughts on any decision I need to make. But I just want your point of view instead of your instruction – a reality checker if you will. I’ll consider your views but they will not the only thing I listen to. That means that in the future I will not follow your advice as much and that I will be stepping out a little bit more often.

Still love you,


P.S. I’m giving you back the collection of regrets you’ve gifted me over the years.

7 thoughts on “Open Letter to My Comfort Zone

  1. Beautifully written! ??
    Your chats with your comfort zone are your chats with your ego, who doesn’t like change and wants everything to stay as it is.
    Luckily the real you doesn’t always pay attention to what she’s saying. Good for you!
    Mar ?

    1. Aw, thank you Mar. The past few years I’ve been challenging that pesky relationship with my comfort zone. When I wrote this I thought of an abusive relationship which unfortunately are too common amongst couples.

  2. Hi Franches,

    That’s probably the most frank exchange with ‘self’ that I’ve ever read. I do hope that stepping out includes some other adventures for sure. Perhaps you can make it here as I live in such a beautiful place i.e near Northumberland.

    1. Thanks Steph. I’ve already had a few discussions with my comfort zone about going to visit you. I will certainly keep you posted. ?

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